Life Among The Savages
"At the end of her second week in first grade Jannie remarked one evening at the dinner table, 'Mrs. Skinner says paper napkins are vulgar.' Mrs. Skinner is the first grade teacher, and it had already, by then, begun to get through to the rest of us that Mrs. Skinner's opinions, relayed through Jannie, were inclined to be vehement, positive, and perhaps even a shade on the critical site. 'Mrs. Skinner," Jannie went on, eyeing her brother, 'says little boys are made of snails.'
'Who's little?' Laurie demanded, stung. 'Seems to me --'
'I beg your humble pardon', said Jannie - 'I beg your humble pardon' is another Skinnerism - 'I beg your humble pardon, but Mrs. Skinner says that boys any size are made of snails and little girls like Sally and me --'
'Sally and I,' said Laurie.
'I beg your humble pardon - like Sally and me are dainty and sweet.'
'Huh,' said Laurie eloquently.
'And now I think of it, what's so vulgar about paper napkins?' I wanted to know.
'Mrs. Skinner,' Jannie said gently, 'doesn't care if you use paper napkins. Mrs. Skinner will let you use paper napkins if you want to. But then you're just vulgar, is all.'
'Some people,' Laurie remarked, addressing his plate, 'some people just think they know everything, I really do believe. Some people just think they know everything.'
'Jannie and me are dainty and sweet, aren't we, Jannie?' Sally gestured with her fork, scattering green peas generously on to the table. 'And Laurie is full of snails.'
'Children, be quiet,' my husband said firmly. 'Mother and I want to talk.' He addressed me through a profound silence. 'Did you sew the button on my shirt?' he enquired.
'Water with the meal,' Jannie murmured, 'is unsanitary.'